Awakening Possibility


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My Experience With Grace

I haven’t blogged in a few weeks. I guess you can say I have “Blogger’s Block” or something. And to be honest, I couldn’t blog a lot if I tried. I always feel too overwhelmed to blog what I really want to convey. It feels like I can write a book but dread putting the pen to the paper. So, I figured I’d update you on what’s been going on in my little incubated life.

Ok, here we go…

Frankly, my life has been interrupted with unexpected/weird moments that I’m still trying to understand and explain. I know it sounds like another TBN message, but hear me out. This Summer has been quite interesting for me. I sort of strayed away from studying the Scripture during the month of June – sort of lost interest. And to be honest, I’ve never been one who considered myself to be a scholar at prayer or fasting either. Ironically, it seemed like I spent most of this Summer watching Hillsong Youtube videos and listening to Andy Stanley (weird? I know).

However, I kept having these weird, unexpected moments.

For example: I would wake up on Sundays, head to Buckhead Church, get my face rocked off by the worship band and by Andy Stanley’s “one-point” messages, and leave with a burden that I couldn’t explain. And I would wrestle every week with the message and with this unbearable rising discontent. I’ve had these sort of moments before (especially when I first came to Christ) but not like this. I found myself unable to go to sleep for several nights in a row. It was this unexplainable discontent that consumed me and had me feeling like a crazy man wanting to scream until somebody heard me and asked if I was ok. It reminded me of Paul’s second letter to the group of believers in Corinth, “If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit.” [2 Corinthians 5:13 NLT] It also reminded me of what Craig Groeschel said in a message about us being “Idiots” for the sake of the Gospel.

Here’s another example: I found myself emotionally imbalanced. I would watch Youtube videos of Christian Contemporary artists and online video messages and cry my eyes out for no reason. I noticed I would wrestle for hours with how to effectively spread what I was learning to this generation. I even found myself less critical of others and more critical of myself, and that was odd for me (lol). But what’s so interesting is the fact that I’ve been a follower of Jesus Christ for 4-5 years and I am well aware of the Gospel, the faith, theology, etc…. but for some reason, this seemed different… different in a way I’ve never experienced before. What was so weird was that none of this was happening because I was trying to do anything – that’s the strange part. It wasn’t because I was doing anything more or less, or being a “better Christian” (whatever that is – lol).

Here’s why it’s different…

For the first time, I’m experiencing God’s grace and His love in a way I never have before. That’s basically it. Simple, huh? I can’t explain it and I don’t know why, but it’s infecting me and I’m finding myself wanting to know Him in a more organic, more simple, and more pure way… and I want so many people to know Him like this too.

I mean think about it…

The idea that a loving Father (God) would go to extreme measures to make things right with His prodigal son (the world) in effort to reconcile him back to Himself. The idea that a holy and just God (whose standard is perfection) would place before us an offer – an offer of salvation and redemption from what we deserve and what we owe; an offer of having a right-standing with Him; an offer of grace and love – through Jesus Christ. His grace covers the fact that we are totally incapable of making our wrong right before Him. I think there are many Christians who need to understand and experience this. It seems religion, self-righteousness and pride has pulled us away from this Gospel of Grace.

I’ve desired a more pure/organic/simple relationship with God. I guess He heard my heart or something.

3 Comments

  • August 4, 2008Reply

    Milan Ford

    Your best post so far. Keep pushing Antwon...you're almost there!

  • August 5, 2008Reply

    Daniel Gilland

    Great post Antwon. It truly is all about the grace! I love this journey of grace because it never gets old but is always growing and maturing in our lives. I look forward to reading more about this process as it continues to grow in your life!

  • August 7, 2008Reply

    Sterling

    "Grace. It's a name for a girl... it's also a thought that can change the world." -Bono

    Great post Antwon! Look forward to meeting you someday.

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